Decision Confusion

Updated: Mar 2

Ever since Kobe (Bryant) died, I feel like thinking what would it be like to join him in the next life. Then, I remembered my psychological-philosophical experiment. “You’re not supposed to believe in that ‘better place’ anymore Joseph.” Well, that struck a mindfulness chord.


My current perception inclined on the atheistic life is muddling up everything that has been stored in my brain’s CPU for the longest time now. The intentional negligence of prayer time and trashing of typical Godly devotion impregnated a queer sense of humanism in me that I haven’t felt my entire life. However, behind the bold guts to question the existence of the so-called Omnipresent and Omnipotent One is the perpetual anxiety that I might just be mistaken.


Sure, I am very much aware that this blasphemous act may as well be my high-class ticket to the exclusive Hell Club where my body would grimly burn and horribly hurt in a boiling ocean of sulfuric acid enduring an excruciatingly deathless suffering of pain. I couldn’t imagine how cruel that must be making Jesus Christ’s innocent torment inutile to say the least since the ostensible Son of the Most High came to the scene to purposefully die for the sins of man who incorrigibly persist in their self-justified and banally acceptable wayward ways. The ever intriguing religious facts never cease to amaze. Frankly so, this is how paradoxical holy things are. If you become conscious of what’s normally transpiring in and out, certainly, the sacred conclusion should stop you from crying out curses that will come out profane despite the Holy Ghost circling around your mind’s atmosphere.


Come to think of it, what difference does it make to go through the circadian merry-go-round sh_ _ that is Life on earth or agonize 24/7 in the trenches of the Abyss which sounds enchantingly genuine as compared to idyllic Paradise that figures to be humanly unreachable. Otherwise, you can cancel the second notion and everything seems surreal at that point with mortals doing whatever they want while hoping to earn heaven’s nod with a last gasp of surrender to a non-performing Almighty.


Am I okay? Needless to say, I’m not. Mental issues bug me to no end. On the spot, as we speak, I feel I don’t stand a chance against the angst of harassing negatives all over the place. This situation is irreversible. All’s going south. Physical separation or passing on is more like it. I’m not so sure how much fight is left in me. I win some. I lose more. When I do lose, I’m a flat-down loser. I know I’m not the only single entity who feels this way.


I’m challenging God to just take me…us…ala Noah’s Ark-whimsical-decision...beast mode—meaning, Book of Revelation-type of rage against the evil-doers favoring the do-gooders (if there really are existing ones, stretched to the grandiosity of political correctness). In this Digital Era, these fantastic (based on fantasy aka not real) boasts are all air (toooooot). It’s unbelievable that we actually entertain such a concept when Bible scholars one and all are broken in their interpretations of the Old Testament as metaphorical crap. Things just don’t work that way in the real world.


You can hypothesize that God may have this supercomputer network where He formulated the theorems and intellectualized the makeup of every DNA in our cells creating us in the flesh; set up the orbital path of the earth to perfection (exact measurement) which yields the 365 days-nights with the normal slow motion that paves the way for changing seasons; put the sun at that precise distance for it not to fry or freeze everyone to death. In all honesty, science has gradually discovered and clearly clarified these details to the letter. Nevertheless, creating an all new universe on/of their own is a mission impossible undertaking for even the brightest innovators around the globe put together.


The superpowers that we can only attribute to a God settles our mind on the faith that He saves and intervenes but if you are well aware of life’s minutest affairs, you would notice that simple cause and effect reigns supreme instead. You take the helicopter going to the workplace and you have more chances of dying from a sudden aircraft crash. A smart-aleck might butt in why this kid died in a helicopter crash when he just rode once. That’s very elementary—because he still rode once. This means he had that one chance of dying from a helicopter crash. So, why did this oblivious citizen get smacked on the crash site? She never rode a helicopter before. But, she went to that site and she may have gone there a thousand times prior without a helicopter running amok but that day happened to be the day when an out-of-control helicopter went rampaging down from the sky.


Logicians wouldn’t put a God in the center of this event. The pious claim that God never puts individuals in harm’s way. You did that to yourself or somebody else did. A mixture of factors. You were too hardheaded to believe that a little fog will kill you. The most expert pilot was unexpectedly disoriented because of the blurred atmosphere. The ground aircraft control authorities let them go despite the warning of a bad weather. The helicopter, which was in consistently good condition, malfunctioned out of the blue. I guess since it’s the Year of the Rat, this vermin maliciously chewed on a couple of crucial helicopter wires the night before and this did not become obvious to the unsuspecting naked eyes. There were no parachutes on board. You did not gamble on jumping from 100 or 200 feet up while the helicopter was spiraling down to its ruin. These are the components that detectives and academics will break down in the course of the investigation. And, these are the reasons that priests and lay persons will bring up during speculations—not bluntly that it was your time to die and that’s why God let you die.


In the past, I was fine with the idea of dying because it is already your time. Now, this one doesn’t sit well with me. I can’t flawlessly rationalize it but if it’s not God behind death and erring humans are to blame…thus, where does God stand on this issue? Hence, I have to amuse myself into thinking that the Devil truly exists…and, He has the same superpowers as God. Nah! That’s totally outrageous.


Hmmm. Returning to that cause-effect thing I mentioned, don’t you think it’s obvious that Good and Evil always exist on opposite sides of the pole undermining each other forever? Well, if that’s the case, I propose to believe that God is the Creator period. Yes period. Because after setting up everything to a tee, he’s now nowhere to be found. Candidly speaking, this idea messes up with my mind big time. I can’t understand why an all-powerful God cannot do anything for peace, order and goodness to win. Do I have the stats to prove that the numbers pertaining to evil are above the roof? Or, is it a given that sinfulness and criminality are always at all-time highs way, way back even when the Son of Man (in the flesh) was still among us? Simply put, just look at yourself and ask, “Am I as perfect as Jesus is?” (If He truly is the Only Perfect One or if there really is that (Some) One?) The reason of which is that, perhaps, our genetic composition, alluding to our philosophical and psychological built, is geared towards thinking and doing both right and wrong in chorus. It’s our brains fault why we do what we do and why we don’t’ do what we don’t. Short of saying that we cannot identify what’s right if there’s no wrong. Hence, good must stand with evil toe to toe. Does this mean that evil cannot be stopped? As long as there is One who can and will stand his/her ground against evil, then, the fight lives on. Sadly, evil is everywhere. It’s been eating at your soul (consciousness) since you were hardwired to process everything around you based on the data (values and principles) programmed in your cerebral chips.


And, about God’s disappearing act? Your psyche would indulge you into believing that God is carrying you while the jabs, uppercuts, right and left hooks of life smash your heart into smithereens and floor you with a humiliated, broken ego. Or else, you wouldn’t have the will to go on living, right? Is it more realistic to consider that this God you rely on for strength is the same Being you should have faith in to recuperate from your horrific internal wounds? The same Organism that will pull himself/herself from the mud of defeat. Then, stand up and move forward despite being groggy from life’s solid punches. Don’t be shock but God and You are One and the Same. You are God because your Mind made Him God. Believing otherwise wouldn’t make you a lesser person. Never mind the hypocrites. They are hypocrites for a reason.


Okay. This is your other option. You can believe in God like how the self-proclaimed Good Book talks about Him in multiple good ways. This is fine. However, humans have the choice to also read up and listen to the words of Confucius, Taoists, Buddhists and the likes. On the other hand, the Devil prowls night and day to stalk His gullible preys into doing what he likes best. In a nutshell, people have the free will to be influenced into doing what’s right or wrong based on the never ending debate on relativism. In the final analysis, the Superpowers are yours to wield. God and the Devil are merely mental creations that comfort humanity and keep us company.


Don’t you think this is a much more logical philosophy?


Anyway, don’t believe me until you’ve tried it yourself.

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