Larger than Life

This is true.

Every waking hour, minute, second of my day, I feel like something eerily bad is going to happen. (Just like now…Yes… It’s happening as I’m writing this.)

Whenever things incredibly start going my way, a nagging sensation suddenly creeps down my deteriorating spine (more like spider sense at best), immobilizing my consciousness and telling me that there is a terrifying threat lurking.

This is sort of the calm (fantastic lull) after the ravaging storm, and a despicable hurricane might be in the dark horizon.

My palpitating heart scarily moves under my throbbing throat. I’m not having a major heart attack or anything that would require emergency by-pass operation but I’m hopelessly helpless at the center of these nerve-wracking attacks.

The vital law of Karma is mightily catching up on poor me. It has undoubtedly caught me already. It is slowly but surely crushing me in its strong, sweaty palm, taking my breath away with every agonizing squeeze. The selfish, horrific memories produce a degrading whiplash across my woozy mind relentlessly strangling guilt to death.

The more I rationalize it, the more it stabs the soul drilling a gaping hole deep into its core.

“Absolutely unacceptable!”

“Petrifying on so many levels.”

“This one’s definitely on me.”

This is totally crazy but I was told it was never about the psyche. Reality angrily growls and lethally bites—loud and painfully hard.

I did a lot of wrongs in the past.

Shoulders fallen; head bowed down; eyes closed; mind shut off. This is well-deserved. I don’t see God’s footprints anywhere in the sand. Everyone knows why.