Self-Talk

Whatever idea goes in and out of my head, I couldn’t figure out the meaning of continuing with this _ _ _ _!

Wherever I look, I witness encouraging sights and sounds. Then, they instantaneously turn bleak as soon as the reality of my situation sinks in. This is my truth—24/7.

How can I fight something that can be felt and thought of but can never be touched?

My mind is willing but the body is failing. No. The mind—controlling the heart—is giving up as well.

I must stop meditating because I cannot give what I don’t have. My inside is getting thrown upside down.

How can I desensitize myself from such predicament and how can I be ready for each and every discombobulating episode? ‘Don’t exactly know who I am and what I have become.

I just have to digest the insanity to stay sane. If not, I’d wreak havoc or go on a rampage and eventually debilitate myself in the process.

I intend to forget the unforgettable and man up more for the sake of those who depend on me to squash through this unsavoury funk. I want my mojo back.

Easier said than done. I try; I win over gloom; I gain support; I get struck down once again. Back to zero.

Internally, this can be perceived as a mechanically psychological route that, if philosophically broken down, would fall under the category of human meandering branded as ‘ordinarily normal’.

The others may claim, “I go through the same _ _ _ _ daily.”

In contrast, the ‘positive’ population would state, “It’s just a matter of mindset.” Easy for them to say since they’re probably enjoying material luxuries, these and those, along with career triumphs, here and there, as we speak.

What about us who haven’t been the best versions of ourselves thus far?

An esteemed mentor once told me, “If there’s a beginning, there must be an ending (referring to life’s difficulties).”

But, why do I always feel stuck at the beginning?

Then, again, I’d end up blurting out, “Thank God I can talk to you!”